I spoke with two groups of expectant/new fathers at Accenture last week. There was a woman there who reported that her partner had continued working full-time after their first baby was born, while at the same time doing all the baby duties at home, including during the night. One day he fell asleep at the wheel of his car and ended up in an accident and in hospital.
The pressures on new fathers are enormous – they are expected to carry on working AND they are supposed to be hands on parents. New dads have a tendency to keep these struggles to themselves, given the stresses on the mother and the way they see their role as backing her up.
I don’t know what the answer to this is – I myself struggle the whole time with how to do everything – earn money, spend time with the children, spend time with my partner, spend time with my own parents and friends, stay fit, sleep enough. I can’t help thinking that the only way to cope is to have a little bit of all of these – but that means my partner has to have a bit of them all as well.
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Psychologists haven’t studied ‘uber fathering’ as far as I’m aware – could be new area for exploration. This is a whole new can of worms and unsurprising that the story comes from such a high achieving organisation. The pressure sounds immense. I wonder if this was a wake up call for him and his partner re-evaluating priorities and pace of life?
This story certainly was a wake-up call – it was a terrifying experience for that family. The conclusion was that fathers really need to think hard about how they operate after a baby is born and this is what the group of fathers present did discuss.
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